I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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