i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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