Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
