it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
