Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
