I hope mine doesn't look like that
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize