Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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