I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
