...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
