It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
