if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
