Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize