it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
