The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
