Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
