Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Randomize
