Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
