I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
