she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
