There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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