I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
