wat bout pragnant strippers??
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
