why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
