I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
