he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
