I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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