Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's just like the Real World with babies
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
