I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
