Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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