The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
