i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Houston, we have a squirter
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
