I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
