Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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