had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
