tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
