my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
