there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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