I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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