just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
