God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
