Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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