I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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