so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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