Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i dont even know how to be here
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
