wanna go halves on a baby?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
