Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
