Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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