Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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