her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
