the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
