he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
