just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
