I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
