im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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