btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
