Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am midnight drunk by noon
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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