considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
