that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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