he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Soap is not a condiment
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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