just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
