about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
